The Art of Giving

Posted: September 06, 2024

Photo Credit: Jonathan Fausset

I am torn between reality and my hopes and dreams, such as I'm sure many of us are, that I wish more than anything I could give and that I wouldn't need money or any compensation to do. That I would have the means to create things for other people that wouldn't need any afterthought like if I can afford to do something, or if I have the time to dedicate to something or someone in need. Again, I wouldn't believe I am alone in this thought.

The art of it comes in the balance of what my abilities are. Do I have the time to dedicate to this something? Do I have the financial means to give something away? Do I have the ability to make whatever it is that I see a need for or that I know someone needs, even if they don't express to anyone that they need it?

The most important question I have to process is whether I want to do something that will better the life or lives of the people in question, or if this is something I need to do to build my ego so that I can have a pat on the back, and someone can tell me “You did a great job?" This conflict in the search for my intentions for doing the right thing can often combat the acceptance of a simple, heartfelt statement of gratitude. It seems easier to leave something at someone's doorstep and run only to watch from far away to see the look on their faces, hoping it belongs to something in the realm of unexpected and pleasant delight. This only buffers the shame that I may feel if it is accepted with the opposite feelings, or worse, rejected completely and left outside.

Maybe the gratitude is the assurance that the right thing was done, and the ingratitude would be a sign of who actually wants my help or any help at all. I feel my gift should be revisable if need be. How can I make this better for that person? Say if it were food that someone was allergic to, my intention would still exist to want to feed that person, so why not remake something for them to enjoy?

Adversely, there will always exist those who wish for a constant handout, and these people will never understand the boundaries of the giver, and those who will not accept those boundaries when those boundaries are made clear. From my experience, these people are deeply rooted in fear and require a completely new gift of patience and guidance. I have been that person too, and it is easy to see what people like that need as far as giving help is concerned. Many of them don’t know they need help, and this is where boundaries must be made.

Overall, giving should never expect anything in return.