Self Approval

Posted: September 10, 2024

Photo Credit: Jonathan Fausset

A good friend of mine sends me a devotional via text most mornings and they help me start my day off headed in a positive direction. Some days he doesn't send one I only miss the interaction, but I go and find one of my own. This morning, he sent one on self-approval and it struck a chord today.

I'll try to simply state here the foundational idea of it, I don't approve of perjury. Most of us want to be liked and have been looking for approval from others for most of our lives. We are in search of a place to belong and people we can trust. We are afraid that others will abandon us and we will be alone if we don't win their approval.

What about approval of ourselves? What about our own acceptance? I've found it reptilian to look at someone and criticize the things that don't meet my approval. This is just torturous and a way to lose friends and push people away, thus defeating the purpose of finding a place to belong. I have found that acceptance builds people up, makes them feel safe, and thus creates a relationship of trust and caring that is needed at the times we're happy, and the times we feel like nothing is going right. These two polarities of interacting with others are easier to observe, build, and repair because I can see it in the people I interact with, but what about giving this to myself?

It initially feels odd and awkward to give myself gifts. Do I need this gift? Do I deserve this gift? Do I just want this gift? Can I even afford this self-gift? Is there someone else who would need and appreciate this more? These are all questions that I ask myself before giving myself something. Believe it or not, I have even done this in regard to going to the grocery store, I admit I have made myself unhealthy in many ways in my life. A physical gift, such as a pint of ice cream from the grocery store, a nice shirt that I don't need, or some gadget that I don't need but looks like a lot of fun to have are easy to see and take inventory of. The gift of self-approval is hard to see.

Self-approval is something that I see the results in. Self-approval can also be a means of improvement. Those extra pounds I gained during the pandemic are okay to have, but I am now in a place to be aware of it and to self-improve. I don't hate myself for getting fat. I'm still smart and capable of doing the things I need to do, and I am stable, helpful, and provide a service to my community. This was a hard lesson to learn over the years because it was so much easier to tear myself up over things I did or had that didn't meet my approval, but these things created an anchor that weighed me down and prevented me from improving myself until I had enough and needed to start giving myself credit where it is due.

This also built a foundation in myself where it didn't matter what other people thought because I had built something for myself. I had built self-approval and that was enough approval that I needed to accomplish what I needed to do and be who I wanted to be. There is nothing false about it. I have taken an accurate inventory of the things I am gifted in, built on these strengths, recognized my weaknesses, and come to terms that they aren't bad. I can surround myself with people and ask questions that bridge the gap of my weaknesses, and this is where I find acceptance and approval.